Perfectionist Rehab

I took a leap of faith,

Took a chance, and tempted fate.

Guided by words, a simple suggestion,

I followed suit without question.

I’ve written of arrogance – the misguided comprehension,

Of one’s value and worth in disconnection,

Of what is fact versus the bloated,

Self-important delusion gloated,

Believing and perceiving greater importance,

Disproportionate from functional supportance.

I didn’t believe I was worthy, in fact, I was nauseous,

When guided to act – I was cautious,

I was discreet while I moved, but I felt like an imposter,

Following advice, secretive and austere.

I was advised – nay, encouraged – to throw my hat in a ring,

Competing for something that made my blood sing.

A year ago, I never would have attempted,

From the contestants I would have been exempted,

This was a stretch,

It was too far-fetched,

To believe I would be,

Considered seriously.

I ignored the naysayer in my noggin,

Ambition – sweetest psychotogen,

Impatiently awaiting results – insentience,

Discovering I lack specialized experience.

I feel small and ashamed,

But really, who else is to blame?

I tried because of another’s confidence in me,

Only to learn it was not meant to be.

Did I let them down?

This person renowned,

Is an honest critic, and I’ve earned their respect,

But this situation I can’t help but dissect.

How do I tell someone who believed in me,

That I’m not as good as they perceive me to be?

I know things are competitive, and that this may not reflect my worth,

But I’m a coward, so I may give my mentor a wide berth,

Over the coming days, to prolong the inevitable,

Proof that my credentials may be discreditable.