Perfectionist Rehab

Dazed, befuddled,

Braining muddled.

What is fact? What is true?

God, how I want to believe you.

A perfect depiction,

Wholesome benediction,

Each time we converse,

Reality perverse,

Spun around, outside in,

I’m not sure how to begin.

I thought we were friends, my confidant,

Refusing the deceptive propagante.

Perhaps you’re truly set up to fail,

Countless trials left you impotent – frail.

Maybe you really did your best,

But reality is a vicious test.

“You can only lead a horse to water,”

Or are your words noxious fodder?

I’m your advocate, genuine benefactor,

Evidence repulsive to my olfactor.

Have I been duped?

Are you a bag-douche?

Are you the victim once again?

Were you ever really my friend?

I have to face it, but I might be sick,

Am I playing a game ridic?

Let’s paint the scene for the reader,

Of a wise and patient leader,

Whose every response a perfect script,

Recent evidence I’d never predict.

Is it a lack of respect or skill,

This lesson surely a bitter pill.

I defended you often,

To make the blows soften,

But what I now know,

This shallow cruel blow.

Why protect?

Why deflect?

I should let you fall flat on your face,

Allow you to take your true place,

In the game you play so well,

A ruse, enchantment, or a spell.

Is this realization? Or is it fear?

Is reality what it appears?

The coin un-flipped between my pointer,

And my thumb, crude character anointer.

Which is fact? Am I deluded?

Are you the person I once concluded?

Or is this visage a true depiction?

Are you scrupulous dereliction?

I’m still undecided, my gut is in knots,

Unravelling and untangling all my thoughts,

How do I decide the course next?

How can I avoid this sickening pretext?

I’m uncertain and timid,

Of this image imprinted.

Lest I read this situation incorrect,

Every interaction I dissect.

I consider myself sage, wise, deductive,

But I cannot discredit the notion seductive,

Of Narcissus’ own imagery ponder,

Desiring a reflection fonder,

Donning a mask for the world to see,

Strength, kindness, and competency.

I know evil exists, I’ve witnessed as much,

Have I truly been so out of touch?

Were there elusive signs?

Or is this all in my mind?