Perfectionist Rehab

Trigger has a few definitions. As a noun, a trigger is a small device that releases a spring or catch and so sets off a mechanism (such as a gun). A trigger is an inciting event or circumstance that is the cause of a particular action, process, or situation. A trigger can cause someone to do something. A trigger can cause a device to function.

A trigger distresses, especially of something read, seen, or heard, typically because of arousing feelings or memories associated with a particular traumatic experience.

Triggers are a call-back. Memory. Recall. Aftershock.

Much like with a charley horse in your calf, the muscle remembers the constriction caused by the cramp. The initial cramp may only last for a few seconds, but it may take a while for the residual tension to leave the muscle. It’s as though the body anticipates the cramp’s return, and so it stays sore.

Experiencing distress over a situation does not necessarily mean you’re ‘triggered’. Feeling grief, sadness, worry, anxiety, frustration, or even anger due to external stimuli does not mean you’ve been triggered.

It likely means that you just had an emotion.

Possibly, you’re simply experiencing empathy.

The trademark experience of a trigger is that it brings you back to a traumatic experience. It causes your nervous system to engage in a protective posture to minimize the effects of the traumatic experience’s return. Alternatively, it causes the person to shut down because the nervous system believes that the already-lived traumatic experience persists.

Hot take: trigger warnings have become a self-indulgent expression to prove how ‘nice’ someone wishes to appear.

Allow me to extrapolate.

Last week, I was chatting with a couple of women I work with. One of my coworkers owns the entire Bridgerton book series, and she had brought the collection in for me to borrow. Another coworker of mine asked if I had ever read the books.

“No, I haven’t yet.”

My coworker fidgets, wringing her hands in discomfort.

“Well, the books are very different from the television show.”

I chuckle.

“Books tend to be a bit different from screen adaptations.”

She sighs, clearly frustrated that I’m not catching her drift.

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Are you going to share with the class?”

She smooths the front of her blouse and looks around to make sure that no one could overhear her next sentence.

“Okay, well, trigger warning. Daphne basically “r-words” the duke in the book.”

Ever since this conversation, I have been a bit obsessed with our current culture’s obsession with trigger warnings.

Here’s a few reasons why:

1. trigger warnings are deeply useless since they don’t prevent autonomic reactions
2. the person who said “trigger warning” is trying to appear considerate, but continues to say the “triggering” thing, which negates the warning in the first place
3. I cannot emphasize this enough – no one is responsible for your triggers but yourself.

A trigger harkens you back to a moment in time.

I have an uncle who fought in the Vietnam war. To this day, gunshots cause his hands to shake.

That’s a trigger.

I have a friend whose parents drank Miller Lite exclusively before beating her senseless. She can’t tolerate the smell without severe anxiety.

That’s a trigger.

My brother attempted to rape me several times. Watching the Lannister siblings in Game of Thrones threw me into a panic attack.

That’s a trigger.

Finding something someone else said irksome?

Not a trigger.

Disliking someone’s behavior?

Not a trigger.

Trigger culture refers to the increased, mainstream focus on emotional triggers and the widespread use of warning labels to alert individuals to potentially distressing content regarding issues like violence, identity, or trauma. It may have roots in clinical psychology, but it has spread through digital spaces to create “safe spaces”.

I was treated for post-traumatic stress disorder over the course of twenty-five years. It is with compassion that I say these things.

The purpose of identifying triggers is not to avoid them.

We identify triggers to learn when our stress responses are disproportionate to the current situation.

Triggers are proof of an unhealed part of our brain. Proof of dysregulation. Proof of pain.

Asserting the necessity for trigger warnings for people who have not experienced the situation discussed imposes fragility, limits free speech, and perpetuates victimhood.

Stress avoidance instead of stress resolution.

I was deeply annoyed with my coworker for a couple of reasons:

1. The canoodling between Daphne and Simon was consensual, though the destination of his ejaculate was not. I’m not a rape expert, but it seems melodramatic to refer to this situation as such
2. I am not a man, and I have never been forced to ejaculate inside of a woman therefore, I do not (and would not) find this fictitious scene triggering
3. Feeling emotions when consuming media is quite literally the entire goal of the creators – art is meant to be emotional. This does not mean that art is triggering in a general sense.

I am increasingly alarmed at the proliferation of the idea that anything relating to mental health is deemed permanent. An identity. A diagnosis. A personality.

Triggers are not inherent – they are deeply personal. They can be nonsensical. Triggers can be unrelated to the environment everyone else is experiencing.

Say it with me – triggers are not merely a negative emotion.

One of the first things I was taught in therapy was how to disidentify with negative emotions.

I am not an anxious person. I am feeling anxious.

I am not a depressed person. I am feeling depressed.

I am not a wrathful person. I am feeling angry.

I’m noticing a trend socially, but especially digitally. It’s as if people receive a diagnosis and they throw in the towel.

“That’s it! This is who I am now.”

I mean this with every fiber of my being – mental health issues are injuries and not personality traits.

They can be healed – given time, treatment, and effort.

Triggers are bruises. Sprains. Cramps.

They can be healed. They can be disarmed. They can be eradicated.

Most of my triggers have dissolved over the years because I spent literally thousands of dollars attending Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). It’s a structured, evidence-based psychotherapy that helps individuals process and heal from traumatic memories, PTSD, anxiety, and depression.

I highly recommend talking to a professional if you feel compelled to. But, I swear I speak from experience when I say this.

You may not have deserved what happened to you, but it is your responsibility to heal.

Your triggers are your responsibility – they direct you to your pain’s location.

Triggers perfectly point you to the wound that needs tending.

You may not have chosen the cards you were dealt, but it’s up to you how you play your hand.